By Dr. Oksana Zhurbich, Clinical Psychologist, Kentucky Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders • Photography by: Sarah Bartley (SarahBartleyPhotos.com)
Holidays are often considered a time of joy, togetherness, and tradition. However, for blended families, these moments can come with added complexities. Whether it’s coordinating schedules, merging traditions, or managing emotions, the holiday season can be as stressful as it is festive. Here’s a closer look at the challenges blended families face during the holidays—and some strategies to help make the season brighter.
Challenge 1: The Scheduling Jigsaw Puzzle
One of the biggest hurdles for blended families during the holidays is figuring out who spends time where and when. Custody arrangements often dictate much of the schedule, but trying to honor every family member’s plan can feel like an impossible balancing act.
Solution: Clear communication and early planning are crucial. Discuss holiday schedules with co-parents and family members well in advance. Consider alternating years for specific traditions or holidays, or splitting key days (e.g., Christmas morning with one parent, the evening with another). Flexibility can go a long way in minimizing conflict.
Challenge 2: Balancing Old and New Traditions
Blending families often means merging different sets of traditions. While one family may prioritize decorating the tree together, another may focus on a holiday feast. These differences can create tension, particularly for children who may be emotionally attached to traditions from their previous family structure.
Solution: Incorporate elements from everyone’s traditions to create new ones that feel inclusive. Perhaps you can bake cookies together using recipes from both families and rotate whose traditions take the spotlight each year. Involving children in the decision-making process can help them feel valued and respected.
Challenge 3: Financial Strain
Blended families often come with larger households, which can mean more gifts, more meals, and, inevitably, more expenses. This financial pressure can be particularly challenging during the holiday season.
Solution: Focus on experiences rather than material gifts. A family movie night, a trip to see holiday lights, or a day of crafting can create meaningful memories without breaking the bank. If gifts are part of your holiday, set a budget and stick to it. Open discussions about expectations can prevent disappointment and overspending.
Challenge 4: Managing Emotions
The holidays can evoke strong emotions, especially for children who may feel torn between their parents or long for how things used to be. Adults, too, can experience guilt, sadness, or stress, particularly when juggling relationships with ex-partners or extended family.
Solution: Acknowledge and validate these feelings. Let children know it’s okay to miss a parent or a previous tradition while also encouraging them to embrace new experiences. For adults, maintaining open communication with co-parents and setting realistic expectations can help reduce emotional strain.
Finding the Silver Linings
While the holidays can be complicated for blended families, they also offer opportunities for growth and connection. Creating new traditions, learning to compromise, and celebrating the unique aspects of your blended family can turn challenges into cherished memories. By focusing on what truly matters—love, togetherness, and shared joy—you can create a holiday experience that celebrates the beautiful complexity of your blended family.
Happy holidays!
Dr. Oksana Zhurbich is a clinical psychologist at The Kentucky Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders (KYCARDS) in Louisville, Kentucky. If you or a loved one is struggling with anxiety or a related disorder, KYCARDS can offer rapid relief and lifelong change through evidence based cognitive behavioral therapy. For a mental health crisis, dial or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline from a smartphone or call 911.
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