A Beautiful Nightmare: A Single Candle Can Eradicate Darkness

By Antonio Pantoja

I’m Antonio Pantoja. I’m the son of an immigrant father and a drug-addict mother. 

Thank you to teachers. These are people who have dedicated THEIR lives to helping YOU succeed. Remember that. 

You will encounter lots of other teachers in life. They won’t all be educated. You can learn from anyone, regardless of their job title or annual income. So, please don’t stop learning from people. 

Please don’t look down upon anyone. The only time you should ever look down on someone is if you are helping them up. And if you’ve seen any level of success, it is your duty to send the elevator back down to bring someone up with you. My mentor Lee Kiper taught me that. 

Although I didn’t go to school past the 8th grade, I’ve had many great teachers in my lifetime. But my greatest teacher who taught me my biggest lesson was an immigrant laborer who spoke with a thick Spanish accent. 

My dad came here from Peru when he was 19. He didn’t speak English when he first arrived. But, he never passed up a chance to talk to every single person he encountered and make them his friends. Even when people judged him- and I saw them judging him. But it didn’t matter to him. I used to ask him, “Dad why do you talk to every person you encounter?” And he said something so profound, that changed my life forever. He said, “Son, it doesn’t matter if it’s the gas station cashier or the person who signs my paycheck. I treat everyone with the same respect. You can learn from anyone. You know, one time, I had a flat tire on the side of the highway, and I didn’t have any friends in America. It was a gas station cashier I was nice to who pulled over to help me when he recognized me”...and that simple advice has carried me throughout my life. 

Every single opportunity I’ve ever received was because I was nice to someone. My respect for people has no discrimination. I treat everyone with the same, and highest level of respect even if they judge me. It doesn’t change the way that I see them or how I will treat them. I will be good to them anyway. 

I don’t speak Spanish. When my dad arrived here from Peru, people weren’t very kind to him. It was a different time. But, when I asked him why we didn’t speak Spanish in our home, he would tell me that he didn’t want me to learn it. “You’re American,” he would say. It was an attempt to protect me from judgment. So that I wouldn’t be treated the way that he was. 

So, I ask that you please don’t judge anyone for their appearance. Try to see them for their heart. Not their job title. Not their clothes. Not their body fat percentage. Not for their sexual orientation or for the color of their skin. Please give people a chance. You can learn from anyone. Don’t miss an opportunity to learn from people. 

Once you start looking at someone’s spirit instead of their appearance, they look different. 

I always wanted to be the first person in my family to graduate high school and to make my parents proud. And unfortunately, I didn’t. I grew up in a broken home. I didn’t even make it past the 8th grade and by the time I was 15 years old, I was living in a car. Life wasn’t panning out how I’d hoped. 

In December of 2009, I got a phone call from my little brother Vinnie, “Antonio, Dad’s not breathing.” My father had a sudden heart attack and he passed away. He was only 54 years old. When you see the casket close on your favorite person in the whole world, something in you changes forever. In some ways, it puts things into perspective and makes you better. My father passed away before I got the chance to make him proud of me. 

In July of 2021, my mother would lose her battle with addiction. The call came in again from Vinnie and before I picked it up, I already knew. She was buried on her birthday. 

I was left to explore this world alone, with no real guidance. But my father gave me the best gift that has carried me through life in his absence. The message was received. And when he left this world back in 2009, a piece of him remained. I was kind to everyone. I made friends with everyone just like he taught me. And I continued to learn from so many people who ultimately became my teachers. They didn’t know it, but everyone around me taught me something. Even if it was a behavior that I didn’t want to learn. 

Be good to everyone DESPITE. People will judge you before you speak. People will be unkind. People may treat you with disrespect. Be kind anyway. 

I was always ashamed of my mother for being an addict. She was addicted to prescription drugs. I had never been involved in drugs in my life, but I think I’m an addict too. I just chose my addiction. I am addicted to goals. I am addicted to helping people. You may be an addict too. Make sure you find a healthy addiction. 

A single candle can eradicate darkness. Be that candle. 

I’m an underqualified son of an immigrant and a drug addict. But to me, they were so much more. They were my teachers.