It happens to every bachelor at some point. Itâ€™s called The Dry Spell, and it seems to come around every six months or so to remind you that humility is the foundation of a balanced mind. It also serves the purpose of reminding you how much time you havenâ€™t been spending with your dude friends (and why).
If you arenâ€™t Brad Pitt, chances are that you wonâ€™t have a steady stream of smart, sexy women lining up to go out with you for the rest of your life. In fact, most of us who arenâ€™t movie stars would count ourselves lucky to have a steady stream of ugly, stupid women waiting at our doorstep.
A Dry Spell builds upon itself like a snowball, picking up all those bits and pieces of your self-esteem and then unceremoniously dumping them at your doorstep. As your personal stock goes down, so does the attention from women. I have never been able to figure this out; itâ€™s as if women have a collective subconscious that immediately notifies them that youâ€™ve been recently rejected. The Loser Alert kicks into high gear and even that pudgy girl who used to put her Yoga mat next to yours gives you a dirty look when you ask for her number.
A seasoned bachelor knows itâ€™s going to get worse before it gets better.
I had been fortunate. I dated two super-hot, sexy women in a row without down time, and Iâ€™d gotten used to it. But Corporate Kitten was long gone, and Hot Yoga Girl had disappeared like smoke in the wind. A few non-answered texts had dissolved the fledgling relationship before it went anywhere. I was on my own again.
When I started getting drunk at the Bristol and hitting on the hostess, I knew I was in trouble. There were only two directions to go â€“ and one of them was very, very, depressing. I decided to adjust my attitude.
I compiled these â€œRules for Digging Out of a Slumpâ€:
- Donâ€™t get drunk and hit on the hostess at the Bristol. Ever.
- Every girl is a prospect: Even if you donâ€™t find her attractive, chances are she has at least two hot friends youâ€™d like to meet.
- Donâ€™t go to the dark side: Complaining about how much you hate women to women does not score any points. People want to be around happy people. Donâ€™t be a downer.
- Hang out with guy friends: Women donâ€™t trust a guy who doesnâ€™t have guy friends. It looks shady.
- Donâ€™t hang out at bars alone: This looks desperate. Women can smell desperation a mile away. If you must hang out at a place alone, pick a spot and make it your hangout. Donâ€™t hit on the staff, however, it will only make you look more desperate.
- Take attractive female friends out: Women are attracted to men who are with attractive women. Even if theyâ€™re just your friends, the other women at the bar, restaurant, theater or charity event donâ€™t know that. All they see is you, with a beautiful woman.
- Donâ€™t look for dates at a bar: The chance that girls you meet at a bar are alcoholics is about 70 percent. Girls are always on their guard at bars, plus there are 15 other guys with the same idea swarming around like piranha. The more options a girl has, the less likely you are to get her attention. Try a Yoga class. The girls will be healthier and friendlier, and there are always twice as many females as males. Another good idea is volunteering at an animal shelter â€“ youâ€™ll immediately appear to be less shady and more sympathetic. There are always cute girls working at animal shelters (and youâ€™ll be helping your community).
- Never lower your standards: If you choose â€œavailableâ€ over â€œdesirableâ€ youâ€™ll only be hurting yourself, and it will negatively affect your attitude. And remember, itâ€™s what YOU find desirable, not society â€“ your self-esteem will plummet just as badly from a beautiful woman you arenâ€™t attracted to, even if everyone else is.
Of course, I would systematically break every single one of these rules in the following six months. Giving advice is easy. Taking advice â€¦ Well, you see where Iâ€™m going with this. Some day itâ€™ll all be over. Right?