How to find a life partner during and after coronavirus
By Liz Gastiger and Kevin
Weddings that Kevin and I have attended in the past were so wonderfully orchestrated that they’ve left us speechless with handkerchiefs in hand. With great wedding professionals, it is no wonder wedding moments last so long. The wedding scene in the movie “Crazy Rich Asians” can leave a lump in your throat. But my topic this month is how do you orchestrate finding your partner? Who plans that moment or opportunity? It’s mostly you. As lifestyle restrictions to target a single new health risk are lifted, how are you going to get back out there to meet someone?
To mask or not to mask, may be a question. I’ve had conversations with masked friends and acquaintances whom I’ve known for years. I find myself concentrating on their eye expressions and from my memory I imagine what their faces are expressing. I’m a visual person. I can remember what I see without a doubt. Others, I know can concentrate on a person’s words. But almost every day, light conversations don’t convey the entire message based on the words used. Rather, you subconsciously read the face and get a visual impression that leaves you a “feeling” of what the person felt, “beyond the words” so to speak. “People hear what they see,” this is a famous line from the movie, “Beyond the Sea” about Bobby Darin. Truly, many people like what they’re hearing if they like what they are seeing. Sometimes before liking someone, you may see them several times before you like what you see and listen with feeling.
Now you might say, what is the point? Are the lifestyle restrictions in place limiting our chances of happiness through meeting someone special? Well, only you can decide. When I first saw Kevin all the other people in the room disappeared. I got a feeling I could always talk to him about anything. Was it what he said, who can remember, or how I felt from what I saw in his face? One must decide for themselves. A friend brought us together.
To focus on finding a partner, an article in Bustle by Lea Rose Emery, from three years ago before all the every day restrictions started, lends some insight. Here are the percentages of how people met their partners:
1. Through Friends: 39%
2. At Work: 15%
3. At Bars or Other Public Areas: 12%
4. Through Sports, Religion, or Hobbies: 9%
5. On a Dating App: 8%
6. Through Family: 7%
7. Through School: 6%
8. Through Other Circumstances: 3%
9. Through Speed Dating: 1%
In summary, to meet that possible life partner one should maintain and add on good friends through these hard times for your best percentage chance. Don’t dismiss throwing in some of the activities of two through four to raise your chances to as high as 75 percent. Dating apps and speed dating can be costly and seemingly the more low percentage activities to meet someone special.
Lastly, there is one other perspective on life to leave you with. People fear the unknown or what they feel they can’t control, which leads to false perceptions. For instance, there is a perception that planes are more fatal than automobiles. But in fact, you are far safer in a plane than an automobile. The National Safety Council website states that the odds of dying from a motor vehicle crash are 1 in 106, and as a passenger on an airplane, they are listed online as “Too few deaths in 2018 to calculate odds.” It also states that the lifetime odds of death from heart disease, cancer or chronic lower respiratory disease are much more likely at approximately 1 in 6, which shouldn’t be conflated with coronavirus statistics.
Regarding the odds of death from COVID-19, the NSC website states that it’s “too early to know for sure.” But with the new online figures coming in every day, you can calculate the fatalities in the US from COVID-19 at about 1 in 4,641 by combining the odds of first catching the coronavirus and the odds of it being fatal. Per the NSC website, a person is more likely to have a fatality from over a dozen other causes that we perceive we have control over.
I may not listen well, but I know what I’m seeing to obtain my feelings. I try to learn and use my own common sense to stay away from unsafe activities, and I try to get a good perspective on life to limit the fear of the unknown or what most think we can’t control. V